May 1, 2008

Dear Parents,

My younger sister has seldom if ever been on time. I, on the other hand, have seldom been late. My mother was always frustrated by her younger daughter’s lack of promptness, especially when a Dunham family gathering waited for our sister and her family to arrive for a holiday meal. Mom would look at me and say something like, “I can always count on you, Dary, to be on time. And when you aren’t, I worry that something has happened.” My younger sister’s children have inherited her penchant for tardiness. And, of course, my two sons are perfect.

The other day at a middle school Morning Meeting, about 20 students arrived past the 8:15 start up time. I was distressed by the fact that a quarter of the senior class was part of that posse. I realize that the kids may have little say in whether they get to school promptly or not; nevertheless, I asked all those who were tardy to stay behind, and I spoke to them sternly, explaining that when they are late, they steal my time and they steal teachers’ time. It is a sign of respect and the purpose of school and the work of the faculty that students are prompt and ready to go.

That’s one pot shot. Another salvo has to do with the scene on Loomis Place at the beginning of the day. I’m told that it is as fraught with danger at pick-up time as it appears to be in the morning. As often as I can, I like to saunter down the sidewalk to greet students and parents. I enjoy shaking their hands and getting a sense of their readiness for school and their willingness to look me in the eye. I’m pleased with the development of firm handshakes. But there are frightful moments in the morning when I look at what has become the daily drop-off procedure.

The situation is obviously not lost on some parents who have spoken to me. Even a student sent a formal letter to me observing how dangerous and daunting the moment can be. I quote this fellow when he says, “In particular dangerous double parking has become a hazard and I urge you to enforce the Foote rule against it. The parking has become a bigger problem and seems to have gotten worse as the years go by.” This lad wants me to issue tickets to those parents who double park and then leave their cars or double park in front of an open curb space. I even spoke to one parent for allowing his child to get out on the passenger side in the middle of the street. I do worry. Guidelines for drop-off and pick-up are delineated in the Foote School directory and posted on the Parents page of the Foote Web site. While we only have weeks to go before summer comes and the problem will disappear until September, I urge you to pay close attention to the need for a calm, sane, and safe delivery system.

Here is another observation I’ve made that needs addressing. The athletic program outside of PE is somewhat informal, often catch-as-catch-can, and team attendance seems to rise and fall on the whim of a student who has other obligations. It is embarrassing for Foote to have to cancel athletic contests because we cannot field a team on that particular day. It’s not because we lack a full complement of players in baseball or boys and girls lacrosse; it’s that on a game day not enough players have chosen to show up. I’ve heard that a birthday party was more important than a varsity baseball game or that students had other practices elsewhere so we could not even patch together a starting lineup. I feel that a student who has committed to playing sports for Foote should make that his or her priority. This is a school team. It’s called a team because there are other classmates on it who count on all the athletes to support the endeavor. So I’m trying to understand what the relationship of team sports is to the overall mission of the school and just how much to push kids and parents to support a Foote School team first if the child has elected to play for the school.

Here is another thing. My experience in schools that have a dress code has shown me that in such a system there is a level of tension involved as adolescents begin to find ways to push against the rules. Very often the dress code is the most obvious and safest way to show some individual spirit. This level of tension is missing from Foote because there is no formal dress code. But I am a bit astounded, and supported by commentary by faculty, about how skimpy some of the outfits are that girls choose to wear to school. Yes, I know I’m somewhat grandfatherly and have been trained in a more formal way regarding attire for school. I can only surmise how distracting short skirts and short shorts and flimsy blouses are for students. I wonder whether parents pay close attention to how their children dress for school on these warm and clear days. If you have an older child in the middle school, I would ask you to do your own observing and make a judgment as to whether you think your son or daughter is wearing clothes appropriate for a school setting.

Long ago, I read something called the One Minute Manager. I dimly recall one of the lessons in that book is that one should not store up a lot of complaints and spew them all at once. When something is wrong, go for correction right off the bat. Take care of the situation, and then move on. I realize the bulk of this May letter has a negative, cautionary tone to it. Know that there is always good news when working at Foote. The good news is that our kids are awesome and they are getting a great education. I do derive great joy from talking to them, observing their classes, and their recesses, and their dancing, and their art, and their games. I love it when they come to visit me in my office. They are all charming and alert, bright and poised. What could be better!

Now we are so close to the end of school and I really have settled in. As I watch these Foote Falcons grow so steadily and think of the upcoming graduation when we celebrate the school and the good works of our departing kids, I do look ahead to next year. I want to alert parents of next year’s fifth, sixth, and seventh graders that I’m going to be offering an evening of commentary and discussion on the subject of The Middle School Child and the Middle School -- How can parents better understand the calm currents, lazy oxbows, and plunging rapids of early adolescence and how does the program and mission of Foote help shape the outcome of the journey.

Today I was beckoned into a fourth grade music class. Two girls saw me peering in through the door window. They waved me in. The class was sight-reading a piece of music for the first time, I was told proudly by Mrs. Velardi. When the piece ended, a voice rang out. “Hey, Mr. Dunham, you want to watch us square dance?”

Can there be anything more genuinely Foote than an invitation like that!

Now on to May Day!

Respectfully,

C. Dary Dunham

Head of School

Respectfully,

C. Dary Dunham

Head of School