February 29, 2008

Dear Parents,

Today is Leap Day, February 29. I begin my March letter to you all a day early. It’s also Donut Day, so there is a bit of a sugar high racing through the students this recess. It is also the second-to-last performance of the highly acclaimed Foote production of The Man Who Came to Dinner. The ninth graders are riding an adrenaline rush. After the set has been struck on Saturday, they pack for their Sunday departure to China. For lunch today, I now get to finish my leftover turkey loaf, because yesterday’s sixth grade Round the World Exposition made my lunch plans redundant. The sixth graders were so proud to show off their posters and menus and deliver the facts of the countries they had studied so hard. Here was a great example of an integrated curriculum with an outcome that leads to a great measure of self-respect.

Note how I did not use the term “self-esteem.” Many people think that self-esteem is a quantity of some sort that can be bestowed or given away. I’m in favor of “self-respect” as the character trait and quality that Foote can lead students to discover.

When I think about this topic, I think of Benita Campbell. Benita and I were teaching colleagues at the Kent Denver School. I was head of the upper school and taught freshman English. Benita shared the ninth grade duties with me in addition to teaching a few sophomore sections. Benita was fussy, but she loved a good laugh and was a heck of a fine English teacher. Her favorite author was M.F.K. Fisher, and she had a penchant for utilizing the New Yorker to supplement her English curriculum. I think of Benita often when parents bring up the subject of self-esteem. We had finished our Back-To-School night and parent/teacher conferences when Benita came to my office for a debriefing. She told of a session she had had with an anxious mother and father who were upset and concerned about the fact that their child was getting only a C in Benita’s course. (It is a well known fact that a student will say, “she gave me a C; I earned a B.”) The parents told Benita that their child had always been an A/B student and that there must be some mistake in the way Benita was judging their child’s work, and clearly a C was not only beneath this child’s ability but bad for the child’s self-esteem. Benita responded as only she could have. “Well, in that case what would you like me to give her?” Benita then clucked that little laugh of hers and said, “Of course, they didn’t want me to give their daughter anything. That’s not what they meant, they said.”

I recall that student went on to have a highly successful freshman year. She truly earned all her strong grades and, despite her parents’ best intentions of asking for a self-esteem grade, she worked harder taking advantage of Benita’s good instruction and urging, and gained a strong measure of self-respect for succeeding on her own terms.

Not so long ago, the term “tween” became a category for a group of students who are somewhere between the happy-go-lucky days of elementary school and the confounding world of adolescence. Newsweek had a feature article on this 8-14 age group. I had scanned the article looking for something that was new to the understanding of early adolescent development. Other than realizing how out of touch I’ve now become with much of “popular culture,” I was struck by only one paragraph, which explored the issue of “self-improvement.” Decades ago, students who were urged to seek self-improvement sought ways to expand their horizons by looking outside themselves, perhaps, in ways of community service, helping around the house, finding a summer job, writing for a school newspaper, generally extending oneself in the service of others in the community. Do you think today self-improvement has become a narcissistic value? Are we not thin enough, not strong enough, not clothed well enough, not properly style conscious, not possessing the latest electronic gizmo that will soon be obsolete? Self-improvement seems to be all about feeling good about oneself because one looks marvelous rather then acting marvelously.

I must write as an aside that I think by and large Foote School students are remarkably healthy. They are kept so actively engaged at school in projects, in sports and drama, music and art, and community service that there is only minimal time for feeling sorry for oneself.

Old fashioned self-improvement and modern self-respect go hand-in-hand. I firmly believe that if a child learns through the home and school certain ways to behave and respect others that a child will leave Foote with self-confidence and self-respect needed to make the best of the secondary school experience and eventually become an adult who contributes strongly to the community. I would hope that a Foote student understands civility and the importance civility plays in social interaction. Can that child maintain a positive attitude when things go wrong or when provoked? We want our students to meet their obligations and strive to be truthful and honest. How important is it for a student to have the courage to say no to actions that are irresponsible or immoral and even have the courage to try to stop a situation that is hurtful to others? We want to produce students who do the right thing even when no one is looking. Perhaps, it is as simple as cleaning up a messy hallway or trash on the sidewalk, or sending a note of thanks without being prompted.

Such actions lead to the development of self-respect. Self-respect also comes out of learning how to accept success and failure, and, importantly, understanding that failures should be used as lessons on the way to success. Over the course of the school year the character of our community is made stronger when we celebrate our good work, try to understand when we have erred, and strive to stay connected to the values we promote.

I think I got a bit windy on this subject. But I trust you got my drift. It makes so much sense to me and the people who work at The Foote School that the lessons we teach in the classroom preparing students for the academic challenges ahead are always secondary to the efforts we make in creating strength of character. How wonderful it would be to hear a student say to us, “Foote School gave me what I earned, and that is self-respect.”

Respectfully,

C. Dary Dunham
Head of School